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"Scum always rises to the top, but instead of scraping it off and discarding it, most people follow it!?!"
--Sherlyn Meinz, 2008
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 | International: Veggies Have Feelings Too, You Know |
 by Jim Hightower
"The arc of the moral universe is long," declared Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "but it bends toward justice."
It never occurred to the Rev. King that his inspiring call for a better world could eventually bring a sort of liberation even to rutabagas, cauliflowers, and kiwis - but so be it. On December 1st, the EuropeanUnion (EU) ended years of mindless discrimination against misshapen and oddly-sized fruits and vegetables. EU regulators, infamous for their focus on minutiae, have long decreed that a forked carrot cannot mix with their perfectly-straight cousins in supermarket bins, that green asparagus in not allowed to be more than 20 percent un-green, and that the degree of curvature in a banana determines its legal status and social rank.
The long nightmare for these edibles is now over, however, for the EuropeanUnion has repealed its discriminatory regulations on 26 types of fruits and veggies. As the European commissioner of agriculture said in a misty-eyed statement: "This marks a new dawn for the curvy cucumber and knobbly carrot." ...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Wednesday, January 21 @ 20:30:34 EST (257 reads)
(Read More... | 2385 bytes more | Comments? | International | Score: 0)
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| Science News: Voting Begins For 2008 Science Idol Editorial Cartoon Contest |
Artists draw attention to political interference in science
The Unionof Concerned Scientists (UCS) today announced the 12 finalists in its third annual Science Idol: Scientific Integrity Editorial Cartoon Contest.
Now, it's the public's turn to vote.
UCS received hundreds of cartoon entries from artists of all ages across the country who used humor to shed light on a serious issue: the distortion, suppression and manipulation of federal science. A panel of award-winning cartoonists helped UCS narrow down the entries to the 12 that will appear in the 2009 UCS scientific integrity calendar. ...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, July 21 @ 20:47:39 EDT (359 reads)
(Read More... | 2031 bytes more | Comments? | Science News | Score: 0)
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| Business/Economy: Seven Types of Highly Ineffective Professionals |
By Artie Leary
We’ve all heard of the habits of highly effective people. According to Wikipedia, the book lists seven principles that, if established as habits, are supposed to help a person achieve true interdependent “effectiveness”.
This is all well and good but I happen to work in the REAL world; a world where not everyone is effective. In fact, many people are ineffective. Throughout my career I have noticed the following seven categories that highly INEFFECTIVE people fall into.
1. Tall Tales. Breathe in through your nose, and speak out through your butt. I have worked for many managers who follow this first habit religiously. They tell people about their accolades and think people are impressed. Unfortunately everyone knows their so-called accomplishments are fabrications because just about everything out of their mouths is useless dribble.
2. The Complainer. Would you like some cheese with that whine? Yes, we've all seen this one. The person at your place of work that just can't seem to be happy. There always has to be some sort of drama or catastrophe that they must deal with, they always work more hours than anyone else and of course they just can't seem to find enough hours in the day to get their massive work load done so others inevitably end up helping out. ...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Saturday, April 05 @ 20:14:51 EDT (375 reads)
(Read More... | 4080 bytes more | Comments? | Business/Economy | Score: 5)
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| Announcements: Scifillian, Inc. (aka AlienLove/SPOXTalk) Damage Control Dept |
For Immediate Release
To all Scifillian, Inc. Clients:
With all the recent recalls on Chinese products containing lead paint, we want our clients to rest assured that Scifillian, Inc. maintains it's position that the graphical and/or audio content we produce for our own and our clients websites contain no (0.00%) lead paint or lead in any form or of any sort.
We do not, and never have, produced any graphical content for the internet that contains lead paint.
Our websites, www.alienlove.com, www.spoxtalk.com and those of all our clients, remain, as always, safe to view.
Please be assured that it is and will remain physically safe to allow small children to view, and yes – even touch the monitor while any our of websites are on the screen. ...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Saturday, August 18 @ 20:21:42 EDT (439 reads)
(Read More... | 2026 bytes more | Comments? | Announcements | Score: 0)
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| And the Oscar Goes to . . . |
By Harris Brio
In an epic that just will not end, called 'The Administration,' we notice great acting as well as bad performances. Despite all the theatrics, there are some award winners. Actors can make a plot come alive or just kill it. So, without any further dilly-dally let the judgements commence.
Baby George played by George Bush maniacally had a plane to crash, and he crashed it in a jungle - the concrete jungle. Managing to stay alive, he was adopted by a wise ape played by Dick Cheney. Ape Cheney taught many a thing to baby George, but the most important was the Cheney protocol.
Baby George was an eager learner. He had to be in order to survive in the jungle. Through diligent study of the Protocol of Cheney, Baby George learned:
Blessed are the Liberals, represented by the gazelles.
Blessed are they for the Liberals just run.
Graze on grass and become prey to hyenas and other ravaging animals.
One ravaging animal in particular - the boar, played by Rush Limbaugh...
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Posted by Blue1Moon on Saturday, November 11 @ 18:31:02 EST (798 reads)
(Read More... | 5166 bytes more | 6 comments | Score: 5)
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| Fear and Loathing in Neostan... |
By Harris Brio
Holy cow it’s fear, walking, walking with quivering steps. Turn to see who was that, “ah its you”, “do you like pina-colada’s or getting caught in the rain”, “ah shame, it’s you”. A sudden fear - headlights do approach,” ah it’s a friendly”, an American-manufactured friendly, a Camry. Speeds on by splashing some mud, “ah it’s a friendly”.
Walking, walking further down the street it’s foggy out and Neo-con is scared, Hark it’s not the angels singing, it’s foot steps - firm and steady, hark a terrorist approaches, the Neo-con is scared.
Reflecting on what do, ole Neo-con recalls his expertise in Kung Fu, the collection of tapes and the Ninja catalog have made ole Neo-con a martial arts dear. Kicking forward and back to the side, and swinging it back, and crouch and kick, and stand and swing, practice, practice, time to run and hide, the footsteps approach, the Neo-con scared, knowing his throat they seek to slit...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, September 18 @ 20:10:01 EDT (513 reads)
(Read More... | 6302 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 4)
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| I Have Stalked Both Blue & Frog by the Handy & Trustworthy PM... |
By 13thGuard
[A Discussion in the Forums about AlienLove’s Forums - a bit of humor and ... well, all I can say is ... Thanks, Guard! - B1M]
Duncan: Please tell me this is not an admission that you voted for him [Bush]? What did you do? Throw a dart? ...
This is an interesting board. I've even been thinking of posting a haiku/pantun! err... then again... Maybe we need a limerick thread!
[Limericks have been added]
13thGuard:
Yes I did, in 2000...To be honest I didn't like Lieberman, Gore’s running mate. I can't stand his voice, it gives me a headache...And Cheney, well, I didn't know he was Bush's running mate until after the start of Iraq war...
This is an great forum bro, I have been enlightened on many a subject here by Blue, Froggy, Toeg, Soul, and a few others....
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Posted by Blue1moon on Wednesday, August 30 @ 22:54:32 EDT (663 reads)
(Read More... | 4068 bytes more | 1 comment | Score: 5)
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| It's Time to Build a Wall and Keep the Rabble Out, Damn It! |
Dave Lindorff
ThisCantBeHappening.net
Clearly it is time to build a wall along our southern border. Something has to be done after all.
We have a country and a culture hundreds of years in the making, and we can't just let millions on millions of poorly educated, impoverished people who speak funny English pouring in illegally, taking away our jobs and becoming a burden on our schools and our hospitals. And we certainly don't want them bringing their lawless ways into our towns and cities.
Okay, we know that they have big problems—-massive unemployment, played out farms, chronic drought and inadequate water, non-competitive businesses, incredible pollution and environmental degradation, and those terrible storms that keep striking their populous coastal regions.
But face it, most of their problems are of their own making...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Thursday, August 10 @ 19:10:21 EDT (568 reads)
(Read More... | 3440 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 5)
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| Terrorist Plot Thwarted at Hooters |
Welcome to Faux Snews Flash. All the news that's good to snews.
Our roving reporter Gus Chau has gone underground to bring us an exclusive terrorist attack that has been completely stamped out thanks to Sheriff Andy Taylor and the Mayberry police. "A terrorist plot to set off explosives in a Hooter's Restroom in Mayberry in October or November of last year was thwarted in its planning stages, and several suspects in the plot have been apprehended," Sheriff Andy Taylor said today.
Deputy Barney Fife, the agent in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Mayberry office, said at a news conference this afternoon that Smurf officials had taken the plot's "mastermind" into custody in downtown Smurfville and that he had confessed...
Note:
If no longer on the front page, visit the Humor Archives: here
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Posted by Blue1moon on Friday, July 14 @ 11:04:23 EDT (646 reads)
(Read More... | 4039 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 4)
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| Business as Usual |
By Gus Chow and Sherlyn Meinz
From the FauxNewsDesk
TEHRAN, Iran - World powers on Tuesday gave Iran a package of incentives that includes U.S. nuclear technology to persuade Tehran to curb its uranium enrichment program, and the Islamic republic's initial reaction was relatively upbeat.
Those accusing Iran of building nuclear missiles include Washington, the European Union, as well as others who could not be named. But it is believed that there are others out there somewhere. President Busch was quoted last month as saying:
“Once we find out who the others are, then we can name them. But since we really don't know who they are, or even if there are any others, we will just call them the “Others” for the time being. Should they otherwise identify themselves, a statement will be issued.” ...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Wednesday, June 07 @ 22:05:38 EDT (667 reads)
(Read More... | 4991 bytes more | 3 comments | Score: 5)
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| Things That Bug Me |
By Dave Eriqat
Tall Fescue grass – “Devil Grass”
This stuff is either the spawn of Satan or the product of maniacal minds within the R&D departments of lawnmower manufacturers. I have never seen grass grow as fast as this stuff. In just one week, the grass grows about 4 inches! Neglected, this grass can easily grow more than a foot tall.
I would not permit my little nephew to play in the grass for fear that he would be swallowed up by it and never seen again.
Dirty money
You go to a store to buy something and give them a crisp new bill. But, miraculously, the bills they give you in change look as though someone used them as toilet paper...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, May 30 @ 19:29:02 EDT (638 reads)
(Read More... | 14456 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 5)
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| Humor/Satire: Special Invitation to Go Hunting! |
Be sure to check out this “special invitation” for AlienLove Members!
Need a little vacation from the stresses of the world? Want to mix with the
“Right” people?
Take a look inside, you don’t want to miss this! ...
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Posted by Frogdaddy on Sunday, February 12 @ 22:03:50 EST (877 reads)
(Read More... | 548 bytes more | 1 comment | Humor/Satire | Score: 5)
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| NEW WORDS FOR 2006 |
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)
Email; Author/Source: Unknown
1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a Deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
craps on everything, and then leaves...
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Posted by Blue1moon on Saturday, January 28 @ 18:52:02 EST (616 reads)
(Read More... | 2723 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 5)
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| A FEARLESS FORECAST FOR 2006 |
By Ray Lemire
WCFR1480AM
At this time of year, it seems like every newspaper and magazine is filled with the top stories of the year.
Way too easy.
We already know what happened this year, but wouldn't you love to know what is going to happen next year?
That's why I'm here, folks. That is exactly why I am here...
Note: ROFLOL - Thanks Ray
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Posted by Blue1moon on Sunday, January 01 @ 20:53:49 EST (742 reads)
(Read More... | 9863 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 5)
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| It’s Always Christmas Time for Visa |
Laugh at Credit Card Ripoffs - Then Take Action
Email from Bob Fertik
Sometimes Republican outrages get so outrageous that you just have to laugh. That's what our friends at Consumers Union are doing - with a serious purpose of course.
Watch their funny holiday video…
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Posted by Blue1moon on Wednesday, December 14 @ 21:12:36 EST (801 reads)
(Read More... | 2341 bytes more | Comments? | Score: 5)
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| Thursday, October 27 | | · | Adopting Female Logic is the Only Way-Out for Men to Survive |
| Tuesday, October 04 | | · | Physicist Discovers a Formula of Laughter |
| Saturday, August 27 | | · | News Alert: Alarming Threat! |
| Sunday, July 17 | | · | Canadian Clowns Honk For Joy |
| Saturday, July 09 | | · | (Grocery) Store Wars! |
| Wednesday, June 22 | | · | Pacifica, Redneckistan, New Canada |
| · | Potato Farmers Want Term 'Couch Potato' Expelled From Dictionary |
| Monday, February 28 | | · | New Virulent Strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease! |
| Saturday, January 29 | | · | Origins |
| Saturday, January 08 | | · | Shabby Joins AlienLove Staff! |
| Sunday, December 26 | | · | FrogDaddy Recieves Anonymous Email |
| Sunday, November 28 | | · | Must See TV? |
| Saturday, November 27 | | · | Grinches Who Stole Christmas |
| Thursday, November 04 | | · | Update your Atlas! |
| Monday, October 18 | | · | Was Leahy Wired? |
| · | Michael Jackson: Bigfoot's Toy? |
| Monday, October 11 | | · | Do we now have a 3rd Candidate? |
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